Fuck Kevin

 This is a new low. How have i allowed this to happen?

   I sit here alone on Christmas Eve with no where to go, nothing to do, and no friends. Everyone who i thought gave a shit... didn't. Been fucked over by people i dont even like. Being denied a friendly ear by people i cant stand. Everyone...

   One person, who i do like, and for whom i went out of my way to pick up and then take her to pick up a bunch of her belongings, proceeded to accuse me of talking bad about her right in front of her, and left angry. And when I say left here I mean I drove her of course.

   Another one, whom i have known forever, comes over when she needs something (couple times a week) even though she can't stand me.

   One woman, to whom i donated a few hours of my time this week, promised on Tuesday to give me a ride to my car. After standing me up completely, she then proceeded to bitch me out cause I'm "an asshole".

   Still another uses me for my hospitality, promising to "pitch in",  and then trips out today (Xmas eve), demanding i bring her money. She also texts a friend of mine trying to start trouble.

  Another stayed at my place for like 6 months this year during the corona virus pandemic, and now owns her own house. She won't answer her phone or door for me, and makes excuses to not let me come over when i do catch up with her.

   I find myself chasing after these people, that i don't even like, because i have no one else. Everyone hates me...

   Now obviously is the time where i should take a good look in the mirror and ask myself "why"?  So i have...and the answer is that people are mean, nasty, jealous, callous and cruel. Other than having very poor taste in picking who i associate with, i am not to blame. I go out of my way, way out of my way, to help these people. Donate my time and money and ear to better their lives. Selfish Fucks.

   I try to help someone everyday...sometimes small things, but often larger, longer time consuming ordeals. My hope is that, in the spirit of "Pay It Forward", someone will be there for me when i am in need of a friend. 

   But I have found that if you help someone in need, they will remember you...when they are in need again. So here i sit...alone. Blogging.