Black Forest by Kevin Bowman

I can make your boobs bigger

    So this one time I am at a party...maybe 40 people were there. Mostly all were friends of mine. We were drinking beer & BBQing in the back yard.

   The conversation somehow shifted to boobs. Women were complaining about bras, about men not looking then in the eyes, about the difficulty of running, etc. 

   My friend "Amy" (a pseudonym) chimes in "I don't have that problem", in reference to her self-perceived undersized boobs.

   Amy has great boobs. Not as large as some, but nicer and not undersized. That's when an idea hit me like a lightning bolt...

   "I can make your boobs bigger Amy", I said before I could stop myself. "Shut up Kevin" she replied. "No I really can" I responded. "Fuck you ass hole" she jokingly (I hope) responded. "Seriously, I can make your boobs bigger" I stated with a straight face. "I'll bet you $100".

   At this point the yard was silent. Everyone was listening to see where this was going. "Oh you can huh?" she asked.

   "OK, I'll bet you one dollar. I don't want to take you for a hundred." (Notice how I slickly went down to $1 to reel her in).

   After some thought, she says "Ok Kevin. You have a bet".

   Me: "Ok come inside and lay on your back on the couch". She does and everyone follows, curious where this is going. I lean over her and grab her boobs and begin to squeeze and massage them. Me: "You are going to have to remove your bra". She looks at me suspiciously and complies.

   I proceed to squeeze, rub, basically fondle her chest for 2 or 3 minutes. I then tell her "Ok, sit up". She does. "Do your boobs look bigger?" I ask. "No." she responds.

   "Huh", I mumble, as I pull a dollar out of my pocket and flick it at her.

   The entire party exploded into laughter.

Note:  I instantly went to Amy and apologized. We are close friends and she has a good sense of humor (thankfully). She laughed about it and let me off the hook. I let her keep the dollar.

KSB

Moments we cherish part 2

    So Sunset Night School was not what I expected it to be. It was great! I never considered the fact that everyone there had signed themselves up because they wanted to graduate. That made for a great learning environment. Plus I had a bunch of friends going there too. We had a blast!

   Now this is the moment I wrote this blog for. And it started with a stupid move by me:

   On my first day, at lunch (dinner time more accurately) I did something I never do; I smoked a joint. Dumb idea.

   So my first class after lunch was Government. I showed up just 20-30 seconds late, but late. When I walked in everyone was seated. All attention was on me. I said "What's up?" to my teacher as I walked in. "I don't know. Take off your sunglasses and we will all know," he replied. So I did, revealing my blood-red stoned-ass eyes. I felt so stupid.

   So then the very first thing my teacher asks the class is if anyone knows the preamble to the Constitution for the United States of America.

   Dead silence. No one responded. So I slowly raised my hand. "Do you have a question?" he asked me. I responded with "We the People (of the United States) in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this constitution for the United States of America".

   Dead silence once again. Everyone's jaws were open though in disbelief. (Or fear "Are we supposed to know that?") Except for my teacher, who had a huge smile on his face. What a great moment. He loved me from then on out.

   I did leave out the (of the United States) part though, because it wasn't in the song. Oh, the song!

   The reason I knew the preamble...the reason I STILL know the preamble...a little Saturday morning cartoon called "School House Rocks"! Anyone remember "I'm Just A Bill"? Or "Conjunction Junction"? "Elbow Room"?😎

Moments We Cherish part one

    My senior year of high school was very tumultuous time in my life. And very exciting. I was about to attend Sunset High School: A night school for dropouts and fuckups. Great. 😠

   I digress. My junior year started two years earlier with me transfering to Bonanza High School. I had gone to Western High, with kids that included friends from kindergarten all the way through. I didn't know how lucky I had been.

  Bonanza was a completely different vibe, and I hated it. It was full of uppity, spoiled well-to-do types. I mean instantly you could see the difference. Everyone stood in little groups of 2-3 people, gossiping about everyone else. When I would try talk to a classmate they would look at me like "Who are you to dare speak to me?". And I tend to speak my mind  and love to poke the bear. 😋 But that's another story...

   Anyway, I take school very seriously. I have never struggled in school and have always been among the top students academically. At the end of the first semester I had good grades. A's and B's. And a total of 6 absences, mostly for days I ditched school with girls. I liked girls too. That's when I was informed that I was hereby expelled!

   You see we were allowed 18 absences, but only 5 unexcused. I had 6 total. 6 unexcused. I couldn't believe it. I set up a meeting with the principle to explain that I wanted to go to school, and he still refused to let me stay. I was in shock.

   But you see I was playing in a metal band and I knew I was going to be a rock star so I didn't need school. My plan was to graduate first, but so be it.

   By the time the next school year started I had decided not to go back. "O. T. Factor" was going well and gaining momentum. To top it off, we were running a rehearsal studio renting rooms to 17 bands and making money hand over fist. I was living at the studio and helping run the biz. It was awesome!

   A few months go by and I get a knock on the door. It was my father who hadn't told me he was coming.

   He was working in San Jose, CA setting up and overseeing the poker room at Bay 101. We talked all the time. But my Mom had called him to tell him his son had dropped out of school and living in a warehouse off the strip. Which was basically true. My Dad hopped on a plane,  shocked and justifiably concerned to hear of my irresponsible behavior.

   So I get a knock on my door. When I opened the door and saw my dad I was so excited. "Dad! Come on it" I exclaimed, as I rubbed the cobwebs from my eyes. I wearing a rob, having just got out of the shower (yes we had a shower,2 bathrooms, kitchen, hell we had a Crap table; all in our studio). Plus the band equipment all set up with a sound system and still had plenty of room to have guests. 

   "Are you hungry?" i asked, knowing he could smell the bacon and eggs I was frying up for breakfast. LOL.

   Needless to say, when the shock wore off my father was very relieved by the situation he was walking into. While my mother was 100% right, it was not the desperately low place one would infer by the data given. LOL

   So after breakfast, while drinking the fresh coffee i brewed up, he offered me a deal. If I went back and finished school, he would buy me a car. I love my dad and took the deal. I wanted to graduate.

   The amazing thing was, we went and bought a car that day. He knew I would do what I said, and this way I had a car to get me to school. We found a Chevy El Camino, so I could also move band equipment (in hindsight I do not recommend an El Camino if you plan to use it as a truck. My next car, a Chevette, was much tougher). Good car though.

   So I enrolled in Sunset High School...(TBC)

Great Balls Of Fire!

   Ok, as usual I am going to be blunt. There is a very fascinating point to this story...I think.😕Anyway...

   Long story short, I was eating some chicken fingers, Buffalo style. I got distracted, and I scratched my balls with hot sauce on my fingers.😲😂I felt the burn. It was uncomfortably warm, and a little painful.

   And I got a rock-solid erection!

   When we are young, we get erections whenever our penis decides to. It's out of our control. That's why teenage boys do such stupid stuff. Then, as adults we get erections when we want to; In other words when it's time to use it. 

   As an older man, I have no problem when I'm with a woman. Works just fine. But I don't masterbate very often anymore because it has become more difficult to get excited by myself. If I do start to, I quickly lose interest.

   My point is that a little hot sauce on the balls and bam! I did not know this for I have never had Buffaloed balls before! Just fyi...

KSB

 Friends An adult story

  This was a recent development. I have a "friend" whom we will call Jane. She is pretty, large fake breasts, and we were hanging out a lot. She's single, a stripper, but the funny thing is we mostly cooked meals. Large, yummy meals. She's skinny and didn't eat that much, but likes good food, as do I. I am, of course, less skinny...

  Anyway, one night, after dinjner, we are hanging out and Jane asks me, "So what do you want to do?" Well, I won't use the words I used, but I told her I wanted to have sex with her. Without hesitation she replies, "OK, but you gotta wait a week". 

  I was extremely happy with that response. I didn't ask why the delay...I didn't care. That was a "yes"! Very cool.

  So about a week and a half later we were hanging out, and I brought up the subject. She tells me, "Oh, I was joking". "You know that I wasn't, right?" was my response. "I can't believe that you believed me" she says, while LAUGHING. "That's what friends do. They trust each other" I replied. "I told you we were just friends" she remarks.

  Now that last comment was a couple years ago, when someone else asked us if we were together, and she said we were just friends. And at that time she had a boyfriend. So I'm supposed to know she was "joking" when she said yes?

  "Well I just want to be friends" she says. Now tell me if I was out of line with my next statement: "I have had hundreds of women tell me "no" in my life, and not once did I stop being friends with them for turning me down. You, on the other hand, lied to me and LAUGHED at me for believing you. That's not very friendly".

  We are not friends anymore. And I have a feeling that when my name comes up she probably tells people "He's not friends with me anymore because I won't have sex with him". Oh well...